iFAQ

And now, by special request, a blog post in which I answer some of the questions that have been submitted as comments, and maybe even a few more. Ta-da! A veritable "infrequently asked questions" page. This one goes out to you, bawb.

1. Uh, did he propose?

No, Anonymous, no gossip fodder here. And were there gossip fodder, trust me, I would tell you myself. If, that is, I knew who you are.

The panic was about my imminent departure for Indonesia, land of volcanoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, and human-to-human transmitted Avian Flu. Eight days now!

2. Is your mom available?

No. She's still happily married to my father, who is even crazier than she is. You should see him lose his swimsuit while tubing. It's a skill.

3. You see what kind of friends you have?

Yes. Oh, I'm sorry--did you want me to describe the kinds of friends I have?

4. Can you please describe what kinds of friends you have?

All kinds: crazy, smart, crazy smart, pretty, funny, pretty funny...you get the picture.

5. How do you say "thank you" or such good words in Indian?

See Board Question 21859.

6. So, which of the books did you enjoy most?

Either Speak, Memory, because I love Nabokov, or Adverbs, because Daniel Handler is seriously funny, and also maturing nicely as a serious author.

7. Why isn't your blog purple?

Because, I, um, couldn't figure out how to make it so. Can you help me?

8. Did you say "Massachusetts?"

Funny you should ask! Yes. Yes, I did.

9. What is your favorite English bound morpheme?

Oh, this one's easy: meta-. Phrases like "global metalect" give me positive chills of pretensiousness.

10. Why do fools fall in love?

Forty-two.

Panic.

The title says it all, actually: full-fledged, deer-in-the-headlights, agoraphobic-at-a-World-Cup-game panic. Yikes.