Friday, December 18, 2009

Diamonds Are Forever

Back when I was at BYU, surrounded by the newly-engaged and happily-married, I made fun of those women who, after acquiring a diamond ring, couldn't stop staring at it, talking about it, or subtly (or not-so-subtly) flaunting it, women like the first responder in this question, who confused the size of their diamond with the size of their husband's love, who fell for the evil diamond industry's marketing ploys, who encouraged their fiances to blow their meager savings/sell their cars/go into debt all for the sake of something sparkly on their finger. I was above all that, and not shy about saying it: in my first-year German class, when all the other girls (freshmen, no less) could describe their perfect engagement ring in great detail (diamond, of course!), I announced, to the gasps of my classmates, that I didn't want an engagement ring at all, and I certainly didn't want a diamond: as I outlined in my answer to that question, diamond rings come with unnecessary costs, financial and otherwise, and I'd rather have something on my finger that didn't have me humming Kanye West (Though it's thousands of miles away/ Sierra Leone connect to what we go through today) and dreaming of armless children in mines.

Well, once again, I have to eat my words. (I sure have been doing a lot of this lately: I'm smart and majored in the humanities and don't really know what I want to do with my life, so I'm applying to law school. Helloooooo, stereotypes!) I held my ground on the engagement ring--a feminist point for me; since the man is not expected to wear one, an engagement ring feels to me like a symbol of possession--but, dear readers, I have a diamond wedding ring. And, even more shameful: I love it.

My ring is simple, as diamond affairs go, with six small rectangular-cut diamonds set into a white-gold band.
The band isn't as shiny as it should be--in some lights it looks less white gold and more gold gold--and the diamonds don't sparkle quite like they should, mostly because they're set crookedly. Most people who asked to see my ring smiled and made more-or-less tactful comments like "It's very you," or "That's a cute box it came in!", and they were right: it is very me. (And it came in a super-cute box, too.)

And where did we find this perfect ring with super-cute box? At a pawn shop in Reno. That's right: we were having trouble finding rings we liked--at one jewelry store, I tried on a diamond ring, grimaced, and asked, "Do you have anything less shiny?"--and so, just as we were wondering whether or not we'd have to get rings custom-made ("are we really such bitches?" I asked), Mike pointed out that we'd be visiting his grandmother in Reno two weeks before the wedding, and where, really, is there a larger selection of used wedding rings than Reno's main drag?

So we found parking near one of the main casinos, and walked down the street, which consisted mainly of pawn shops, casinos, and wedding chapels. We browsed four or five pawn shops, each of which held more wedding rings than I thought existed in the entire world, and tried to avoid looking at the handgun displays, which were often right next to the rings--just in case you've made a huge, tiny mistake, I guess? (Downtown Reno is seriously one-stop shopping: you can make some money, buy a ring, get married, get drunk, get divorced, and shoot your ex, all in one afternoon.) As we walked between pawn shops, we saw a couple fighting, loudly, with lots of swearing, about who was drunker, and surreptitiously checked out their rings. We also watched the police break up a violent fight outside a casino, the true Reno experience.

And that's why I really love my ring: not only is it pretty (at least to me), it was cheap (the best way to show love for me is by not spending money), and used (which means I don't have ethical worries about the diamonds), and its crooked and slightly chipped diamonds remind me of that afternoon slumming in Reno pawn shops, and, in turn, of how lucky I am to have found a man who matches me so perfectly it's kind of unbelievable, a man who shares my ideas about romance (he didn't propose, I arranged our honeymoon, and his idea of seduction is saying "I seduce thee"), compromise (rock-paper-scissors), adventure (camels across North Africa? sign me up!), crossword puzzles in bed (yes), traditional gender roles (no), and paying attention in church (maybe)--in short, a man who would buy his fiancee a wedding ring from a pawn shop in Reno. That, my friends, is well worth eating a word or two.

54 comments:

Katya said...

Wait--are you really applying to law school?

Jennifer said...

Ooo, I like it. And I do think it is very "you".
I also have a simple-ish ring that feels very "me", though for us the cool one is my husband's ring. We got it at an indian boutique a day before the wedding a block away from where he proposed.

Braden said...

used (which means I don't have ethical worries about the diamonds)

To be a douchebag, I'll point out that by raising demand for used diamonds, you marginally shift other used-diamond consumers toward new diamonds, so it doesn't entirely avoid the ethical concern.

I'm glad you found a ring you like, though, and I'm excited you're going to law school.

Petra said...

Braden--

Yeah, I suspected someone was going to point that out. It'd be interesting to see some numbers on the extent to which that's really true, in the diamond market, though: first of all, it may be that some other used-diamond consumers are like me, and not set on buying used diamonds at all, and so if they didn't find used diamonds they like, they'd go for another stone rather than new diamonds. I also wonder how much the used diamond market has success at all, at least judging from how many diamond rings there were in these pawn shops. I mean, what with weddings being (presumably) the main event for which one would purchase a diamond ring, it's not clear that the number of consumers who would be willing to buy a used diamond wedding ring equals the number of consumers trying to get rid of used diamond wedding rings (due to divorces, deaths, diamond upgrades, etc). Think someone has done this research?

Oh, and I'm not totally set on going to law school, I'm just applying, because, hey, why not?

Minnie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Minnie said...

Your last paragraph is very sweet--it makes me so happy that you found such a good match!

I spent an afternoon at the pawn shops in downtown Reno one time. I kind of had that same experience with the police breaking up a fight. Reno is interesting...but seems like a good place to pick up wedding rings!

Th. said...

.

Back at BYU I had canned antidiamond and antiengagementring rants that sound very much like yours. And when the bishop required us to get Lynsey a ring, we bought matching silver rings that we still wear today, about a hundred bucks for both.

Which is a very mecentric way of saying I like you guys.

Veiltender said...

This is Thora, not Avram, btw

I don't like diamonds - I think they're too colorless (unless they are heirloom antique diamonds - I knew some girls at BYU that inherited those type of engagement rings, and I would love one, because they are very sparkly). But I suppose that the sapphire ring (just one wedding/engagement ring, neither one nor the other, really) I did get also caused small children to die. I don't even know where they have sapphires - sri lanka, maybe? I love non-traditional "engagement rings" or wedding rings because they have so much more variety, and conversely a much smaller price tag.

Avram got his wedding ring on our honeymoon - it cost $12.50 at some random store (it's silver), and has cut out crosses all around it. It's surprising the number of comments he's gotten on it, including some woman who thought it had something to do with the "feminine principle of the templars" (her words).

Hey, if you're happy, and he's happy with whatever is, or isn't on your hand, that sounds good to me! I think a lot of necessary "traditions" surrounding marriage can be silly, if they're only followed because they're there - like engagement rings.

REIJA said...

Sweet. I love that you found yours in Reno! Nothing makes for a good ring like a good story. I never wanted a diamond either. When Bob said he was going to propose, I said... well, it might take a while to find a ring. We'll have to shop old dim antique stores in the rural East and whatnot until we find just the right old one, with some aged character, and maybe a pearl... then the next day I found my ring in one hour flat... in one of the ritziest shopping places ever: the Stanford shopping mall... and had one custom made for me. And it has diamonds all the way around. How's that for antithetical? When I confessed to Bob he laughed and laughed and laughed at me. But! It is super cheap (as far as rings.) And it is rose gold which matches my skin. And it is very, very thin, which thing I adore. Well worth eating my words for too. :)

Alyssa Feik said...

I never thought I would be the one not to get a diamond and you would be. I had the same concerns as you, but you seem to have navigated them just as well as I did. Inexpensive is definitely the way to go.

Diane said...

And one day when you want it and I don't need it anymore, you can have my diamond which I inherited from your grandmother-- so 2 generations of used diamonds for you. Glad Petra is back to posting.

Petra said...

Katya--

Yup. More on that later, probably.

Jennifer--

Nice! It's fun to have a ring associated with memories.

Braden--

By the way, I never think you're a douchebag. And why are you so excited about law school?

Minnie--

Wedding rings are about the only thing I recommend Reno for.

Th.--

The bishop required Lynsey to get a ring?!? Why?

Thora--

I like that, the "feminine principle of the Templars." He should just start explaining the ring that way.

Reija--

I'm glad I'm not the only one that has to eat her words! It's funny how this stuff works out.

Alyssa--

I'm glad you didn't get a diamond, since that gives you better leverage for laughing at me. I laugh at myself about it (obviously), but, really, it was the only ring I saw that I liked, and we ring shopped a LOT. What can you do?

Mom--

I think an heirloom diamond ring would be acceptable too. Watch me invent all sorts of new rules so I can save face...

Th. said...

.

He was very traditional. I think my failure to properly claim her as my own troubled him deeply. Clearly, our family was under attack. (Which is tomorrow's Sunday School topic!))

annie said...

hear, hear. i was shocked when i got married (after years of feeling the way you did about diamonds) and suddenly CRAVED something sparkly on my hand. it was weird. what i REALLY want is an engineered diamond...i love technology.

Braden said...

Yeah, well called--I expect the market for which they're substitutes is quite small. Perhaps there's a minor effect of people being more likely to trade up their old rings for new ones if they can get a decent price, though.

Katya said...

What I really want is a fluorescent diamond. It's a natural property of some diamonds, but it's considered undesirable because it can affect the brilliance of the diamond in natural light. But, come on, who wouldn't want a glow-in-the-dark diamond?

eleka nahmen said...

@Petra - I'm glad you asked @Th., because I was also very wondering.

@Th. - WHY did you give in?! What was he gonna do, excom you two? I would have refused such a thing just on principle! (But that's me, surprise surprise.)

@Petra again - I love it :D

daine said...

Petra,

At first glance, this post really depressed me. It seems like everyone I know who talked big about damning the man has since gotten married, moved to the suburbs, had 2.3 children, and purchased a mid-sided sedan. I thought your post was an admission that you've caved on the diamonds thing and that you've started on this same path to bourgeois Hell.

Buying a kitschy used ring from Reno is exactly the type of subversion we need in our boring culture. If you were to reject the whole notion of wearing a diamond (as Amanda has, opting instead for the titanium ring she made herself), it's too easy for the lame to reject you as a "feminist."

I'm glad to see you haven't sold out, despite your rhetoric.

P.S.-there's nothing wrong with being a lawyer. You'll kick-ass, our society needs good lawyers, and there's no good reason why you shouldn't do either what you want to do, or what you can do for more money. I'll give you a call if I ever get sued for malpractice.

prez said...

Good post, diamonds are girl's best friend. If you want to propose a girl then diamond ring would be the best gift to give.

Connie said...

i really like the last comment.

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Vintage Ring said...

I totally agree, like the songs, Diamonds are forever, but hey - we should get them as soon as possible :)

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