Sunday, May 14, 2006

I Am Petra's Upset Stomach

I spent this weekend sick as a dog. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration: "sick as a relatively healthy dog" might be a better way of putting it.

In any case, those who are squeamish about stomach ailments may want to stop reading this post sometime about now. In fact, you may want to stop reading my blog for good, since I anticipate many more stomach-centered posts come the end of the summer, when I go to Indonesia.

Stomach ailments have been par for the course for me my entire life. "Par for the course" means, roughly, once a week. I've always been convinced that I picked up a nasty little parasite of some kind in Indonesia, and that, in addition to the hereditary gift of carrying stress in my stomach, has left me with perpetual stomach-related episodes. I can tell any number of amusing and completely disgusting stories: throwing up on the platform at a train station in Cairo, sneaking up and down the aisles of an airplane late at night to collect extra barf bags, spending forty-five minutes in the bathroom at the Taj Mahal, each and every time I've eaten Indian or Thai food--at this point, nearly anything can trigger a story beginning, "so this one time, I was really sick..."

(My mom has a story that can destroy all comers, though--an incident that literally knocked her socks off. And trust me when I tell you that I know the difference between "literally" and "figuratively.")

In any case, this weekend's episode--Season 21, Episode 138, "Petra vs. Pasta"--was worse than expected, and I decided to take action, in the form of a little detective work. Narrowing down the list of ingredients in the pasta, curry, and taco salad that have most recently emptied my intenstines, I have reached this conclusion: it's a food allergy.

So I'll open it up for a vote. Get your mouse-clicking fingers ready, kids: am I allergic to onions, or am I allergic to garlic?

9 comments:

Master Fob said...

That depends. Are you a vampire?

Optimistic. said...

There's one really easy way to find out. I have both onions and garlic over here. Feel free to take a huge bite out of either of them.

Uffish Thought said...

Garlisc. It's terrible, but not nearly as terrible as being alergic to onions.

Katya said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of food allergies! My money's on onions. (At least you're not allergic to corn.)

Th. said...

.

Or Otter Pops.

I threw up pasta the other day, a rainbow of red. I found if I was close enough to the toilet to have good aim, I was too bunched up for things to find their way up.

That was an unpleasant discovery....

Melyngoch said...

I knew it! I knew she was a vampire! Or she used to be!

I vote onions.

Tolkien Boy said...

I vote that you are allergic to a lack of jogging, and the garlic/onion debate is a mere coincidence.

I know that's why I feel less than my usual 300%.

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