Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Don't Cha Wish Your Visiting Teaching Supervisor Was Hot Like Me?

I am my ward's visiting teaching supervisor, or at least was, until the bishop got so sick and tired of me lobbying for another teaching calling that I was called back! back by popular demand! into Sunday School. (Okay, so that's not exactly how it went down, but close, at least in that I was whiny.) In any case, in my very short tenure as visiting teaching supervisor I strove mightily to have my calling and release made sure, mostly by sending out very strange, very snarky emails each month asking companionships for their reports. Last month I titled my email "it's that time of the month again!" and threatened to release my hormonal rage on any companionships that didn't report quickly, and so you can imagine the pressure I felt this month: electronic PMS threats are a pretty high attention-getting bar to clear.

Pressure? No problem. Behold the (entire) text of this month's email:

Very critical to the life of a ward
Integral, too, to the plan of the Lord:
Sisters in spirit, sisters in love
In serving each other we serve Him up above.
Talking and teaching and getting to know
Is a time for all to learn and to grow.
No one should slack and no one should shirk
God has called us to this holy work.

Time for the straight talk, time for the truth
Even if saying it's somewhat uncouth:
A visit a month can be asking a ton
Church-assigned friendships are never much fun.
Hell if I learn and hell if I grow
I'm bonding instead with the one down below.
Now that you're listening, I proffer my plea:
Get me your numbers, A.S.A.P.!

I'll leave the question of which stanza to agree with as an exercise for the reader--after you've reported your home and visiting teaching statistics, that is.

21 comments:

Giovanni Schwartz said...

That... is... AWESOME...

daine said...

Will you title my blog posts for me if I send you a preview first?

At least they can't blame you for not magnifying your calling; whether you did anything good or not is debatable, but at least you weren't luke-warm about it.

skylark said...

(in answer to the title,)
yes.

just the spice visiting teaching was missing.

but i'm sure you won't withhold it from gospel doctrine lessons, and it will probably go farther there, anyway. can i come to your class sometime?

Expavesco said...

What if a person reports their numbers at the beginning of the month instead of the end?
What if those numbers are... Zero?

I think that will be my tactic next time I have a home teaching assignment.

Petra said...

Daine--

Thinking of titles is my favorite part. So...yes!

Skylark--

Sure, anytime. Want me to let you know when I'll be teaching next?

Expavesco--

It might help if you reported your lack of home teaching in a limerick.

scottro said...

Awesome.

On an unrelated note, it was hard to figure out which button was "write your own freaking comment."

That is all.

gar said...

you make me laugh. i like you, funny girl.

Katya said...

I emailed my VT-ee this month, does that count? (In my defense, she's in Iraq, so an in-person visit wasn't really possible.)

skylark said...

yes, please!

Seagulljaap said...

Can I quote that poem in a church talk?

The Dancing Newt said...

Oh why oh why are you my favorite? Remember that you offered to write the lyrics for that Christmas album!

Melyngoch said...

If that's not magnifying your calling, then I, having never magnified a calling, don't know what magnifying your calling is.

I was a VT-supervisor once, at BYU. When I got released, the cheering and high-fiving from my corner of the chapel was definitely noticed on the stand. I never had a calling in that ward again.

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