Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Don't Cha Wish Your Visiting Teaching Supervisor Was Hot Like Me?

I am my ward's visiting teaching supervisor, or at least was, until the bishop got so sick and tired of me lobbying for another teaching calling that I was called back! back by popular demand! into Sunday School. (Okay, so that's not exactly how it went down, but close, at least in that I was whiny.) In any case, in my very short tenure as visiting teaching supervisor I strove mightily to have my calling and release made sure, mostly by sending out very strange, very snarky emails each month asking companionships for their reports. Last month I titled my email "it's that time of the month again!" and threatened to release my hormonal rage on any companionships that didn't report quickly, and so you can imagine the pressure I felt this month: electronic PMS threats are a pretty high attention-getting bar to clear.

Pressure? No problem. Behold the (entire) text of this month's email:

Very critical to the life of a ward
Integral, too, to the plan of the Lord:
Sisters in spirit, sisters in love
In serving each other we serve Him up above.
Talking and teaching and getting to know
Is a time for all to learn and to grow.
No one should slack and no one should shirk
God has called us to this holy work.

Time for the straight talk, time for the truth
Even if saying it's somewhat uncouth:
A visit a month can be asking a ton
Church-assigned friendships are never much fun.
Hell if I learn and hell if I grow
I'm bonding instead with the one down below.
Now that you're listening, I proffer my plea:
Get me your numbers, A.S.A.P.!

I'll leave the question of which stanza to agree with as an exercise for the reader--after you've reported your home and visiting teaching statistics, that is.


Giovanni Schwartz said...

That... is... AWESOME...

daine said...

Will you title my blog posts for me if I send you a preview first?

At least they can't blame you for not magnifying your calling; whether you did anything good or not is debatable, but at least you weren't luke-warm about it.

skylark said...

(in answer to the title,)

just the spice visiting teaching was missing.

but i'm sure you won't withhold it from gospel doctrine lessons, and it will probably go farther there, anyway. can i come to your class sometime?

Expavesco said...

What if a person reports their numbers at the beginning of the month instead of the end?
What if those numbers are... Zero?

I think that will be my tactic next time I have a home teaching assignment.

Petra said...


Thinking of titles is my favorite part. So...yes!


Sure, anytime. Want me to let you know when I'll be teaching next?


It might help if you reported your lack of home teaching in a limerick.

scottro said...


On an unrelated note, it was hard to figure out which button was "write your own freaking comment."

That is all.

gar said...

you make me laugh. i like you, funny girl.

Katya said...

I emailed my VT-ee this month, does that count? (In my defense, she's in Iraq, so an in-person visit wasn't really possible.)

skylark said...

yes, please!

Seagulljaap said...

Can I quote that poem in a church talk?

The Dancing Newt said...

Oh why oh why are you my favorite? Remember that you offered to write the lyrics for that Christmas album!

Melyngoch said...

If that's not magnifying your calling, then I, having never magnified a calling, don't know what magnifying your calling is.

I was a VT-supervisor once, at BYU. When I got released, the cheering and high-fiving from my corner of the chapel was definitely noticed on the stand. I never had a calling in that ward again.

Anonymous said...

Good brief and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Gratefulness you for your information.

Anonymous said...

Brim over I agree but I about the list inform should prepare more info then it has.

Anonymous said...

Amiable post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you on your information.

Anonymous said...

[b]Una gran guia de ganar dinero[/b]
Nosotros hemos hallado la mejor guia en internet de como trabajo casa. Como fue de utilidad a nosotros, tambien les puede ser de interes para ustedes. No son solo formas de ganar dinero con su pagina web, hay todo tipo de formas para ganar dinero en internet...
[b][url=][img][/img][/url]Te recomendamos entrar a [url=]Ganar dinero[/url][url=][img][/img][/url][/b]

cheap propecia said...

Great site,this information really helped me , I really appreciate it.Thanks a lot for a bunch of good tips. I look forward to reading more on the topic in the future. Keep up the good work! This blog is going to be great resource. Love reading it.
nice tip

Anonymous said...

no more than the briny guaranteed to obtain you apprehend measureless! Our all invariable intermingle of herbs and aminos is Dr. formulated and proven to commend oppose, put cusp indefinite and tranquil soothe your wisecracks!

[url=]Energy Drink[/url]
[url=]Energy Drinks[/url]

[url=]Tranquila relaxation shot[/url]
[url=]iChill review[/url]

[url=]reverse mortgage pros and cons[/url]

[url=]best energy drink[/url]

[url=]5 Hour Energy drink[/url]
[url=]Valerian Root[/url]
[url=]Valerian Root[/url]
[url=]Gamma Aminobutyric Acid [/url]

unusual Julian with Comestibles and Not function you can rolling in it a well-behaved life. I on no account in reality, it's timorous so repair to a encounter on and ry it, do it at the non-standard a while heyday!
Mini Chill? contains a reiterative mingling of herbs and amino acids called Relarian?, that has been proven, in published clinical trials not noteworthy to superfluous to turn contrariety dispute articulation and pester, but to truly ameliorate your zealous and raise incline convergence! Mini Insouciant doesn?t spokeswoman drowsiness, so whether you?re in the central of a stressful stage at arraying or enjoying a lifetime fixed with your friends, Mini Chill? is guaranteed to recondition your day.

[url=]drug and alcohol rehabilitation[/url]
[url=]Distribution business[/url]
[url=]Business appraisals[/url]
[url=]weed license[/url]

[url=]medical billing solutions[/url]
[url=]medical billing company[/url]
[url=]medical billing solutions[/url]

[url=]relax kids[/url]

[url=]relax and takes notes[/url]
[url=]too much alcohol[/url]
[url=]marijuana long term effects[/url]

Anonymous said...

I required some info and was searching on for it. I visited each of the top 5 pages that came up but didn’t get any relevant result... I then luckily found your diamond forum in the dirt and thought to check it out. This is what I wanted!

Cheers people at and keep the fantastic effort up.

[color=#6728b2][URL=]bodybuilding supplements[/URL] [URL=]Sports Supplements[/URL] [URL=]bodybuilding[/URL] [URL=]Sports Nutrition[/URL] [/color]

Anonymous said...

well guys! after the latest unregulated rid of [url=]casino[/url] games like roulette and slots !validation peripheral exhausted the all chic redeem [url=]online casino[/url] games at the all redone, the most trusted [url=]online casinos[/url] on the labyrinth! use our [url=]free casino software download[/url] and give rise to snug harbor a comfortable the bacon money.
you can also rein other [url=]online casinos bonus[/url] . you should also check this [url=]Casino en ligne[/url], [url=]Casino Online[/url] and [url=]casino en linea[/url] games. join the the largest [url=]online poker[/url] room. check this new [url=]paypal casino[/url]. [url=]Online Casino Spiele[/url] , buy [url=]acai berry[/url] . [url=]bondage[/url] [url=]casino[/url] . [url=]online casino games[/url] , [url=]Buy k2[/url] and new [url=]online casino[/url]

eco vacations costa rica said...

hello friend amazing and very interesting blog about "Don't Cha Wish Your Visiting Teaching Supervisor Was Hot Like Me?" I really would like to have any update about, thanks for sharing this information